Oysters Are Overrated
by penguinnumber4
Summary: When Caroline and Tyler broke up, it was an actual break up, with a lot of tears and screams But Caroline moved on, and attempted, and failed, to not crumble under the advances of Klaus. But when a catastrophic disaster renders Caroline an orphan and a reject from her friend group, will she accept Klaus' offer of seeing the world? The world is her oyster, but oysters are overrated.
1. Punching Bunnies

**Chapter 1: Punching Bunnies**

She was curled up in a ball on the floor of the forest.

She didn't quite know just how long she had been there; it could have been an hour, maybe two, maybe even four. Caroline thought that she would have run out of tears to cry a long time ago, but every time she thought of Tyler she just broke down into fresh bouts of sobbing, and then she got angry, really angry. It felt like it had been going on like this for an eternity, switching from being so heartbroken that it physically crippled her, to being furious and running around the forest, ripping down trees and punching bunnies. If Caroline was being completely honest with herself, she preferred the angry phases, because when she hurt, it was all she could do not to flip the switch and turn off her humanity, the pain was so intense, it was killing her. How could he have done this to her, she loved him, and he had loved her. He had told her that the whole reason he went to the Appalachians was to get over his sire bond for _her. _Because he _loved _her_, _but instead he had gone and slept with the first were-bitch he saw, and then had the nerve to go and get insanely jealous and over protective of her when he came back and saw Klaus' gifts. He was a hypocrite! And he didn't even try to apologise when she ran out of the Lockwood mansion, he had just tried to justify sleeping with another girl, which, yeah, of course, Ty, you're completely allowed to do.

_**FLASH BACK**_

Caroline was suspicious of Hayley, she was way too pretty, and the way she looked at Tyler, and the glances he kept sending her, but Caroline was sure it was nothing, Tyler had told her so, and she believed him, because she loved him, and he loved her too, and he wouldn't lie to her. But she was still suspicious. Oh, Caroline, she sighed internally, neurotic much?

Tyler was about to ring Klaus to prove he had broken the sire bond. Caroline was trying to pay attention to what was happening around her but her brain kept distracting her, thinking up conspiracies, telling her that she should be wary of Hayley, saying _'What if, what if, what if'._ Caroline knew she should probably listen to the doubts she was having and question Tyler further, just to get reassurance, but she didn't want to. She wanted to trust that what he had told her was true, that he didn't cheat on her, that he hadn't lied to her face, that he would always tell her the truth. She tried to listen in to the conversation Klaus was having with Tyler.

'_Tyler! I hope you're not causing problems!'_

"I can do whatever I want; I'm not sired to you anymore."Tyler said, he really shouldn't have done though, Caroline knew it was just going to cause trouble.

'_Fair enough, although I do happen to know your little secret about your time in Appalachia' _Caroline froze, what secret? _'What was your friend's name? Hayley was it? You'd probably prefer I kept that to myself.' _If Caroline's heart was still beating it would have stopped. She looked at Tyler, who had also frozen, and Hayley, who wore an expression of guilt.

'_I'm sorry mate, are you going to answer or should I just assume your back to being… how did you phrase it? Ah Yes! My little bitch.'_

Tyler hung up the phone in defeat and told the hybrid to 'do whatever the hell he wanted'.

That was when Caroline ran from the room and out of the mansion, tears threatening to pour. She could hear Tyler racing after her, calling her name. She got halfway down the driveway before spinning round and snapping.

"What?!"

"Just let me explain…" Oh, this guy had some frickin' nerve. Had Caroline not been in such a fit of blinding rage she would have been tempted to listen to Tyler's explanation just so she could laugh at how pathetic it was, but Caroline was angry, like, not just angry, but _Klaus_ angry, which was pretty damn angry…

"Excuse me! Let you explain what?! Let you explain that you didn't really cheat on me with that were-slut…"

"HEY!" she heard Hayley protest, but she ignored her, she was mid rant, and nothing stopped Caroline when she was mid rant.

"… That you didn't really lie to my face when you told me nothing had happened between you, because if that's what you're going to tell me then please, by all means, because I would love to hear you say that! I would love for you to tell me that I'm wrong, that you didn't lie to me, that nothing happened, that I'm just overreacting, because, after all, it was Klaus I heard it from, and I know you're not so insensitive as to let me hear about you cheating on me from someone else even if it was true. So if that was what you were going to explain to me then please, by all means" she whispered, trying, and unfortunately, failing, to stop the tears from escaping and falling down her face "Go ahead…" she sobbed.

Tyler just stood still and stoic, looking at his feet in guilt, not uttering a word.

"That's what I thought" She whispered, "You know Tyler, I really thought you loved me…"

And with that Caroline ran from him, away from the hurt, away from the man she thought she loved, the man she thought had loved her, and away from the girl he had broken her heart with.

And it was while she was running, that she realised, he hadn't even bothered to apologise.

* * *

**Hello… yeah, some of you may have read this already… before it was ripped from the internet, for which I can only apologise… sorry :/ **

**Hello, wonderful people who have decided to read this for the first time, I hope you enjoyed. Sorry about the lack of Klaus, but I promise he will make an appearance next chapter.**

**Au revoir**

**Penguinnumber4 xxx**

**(P.S. You know what you should do… See that little box at the bottom of this page, you should write a review in it, go on, it'll only take a few seconds. *Jedi mind control*)**


	2. Four Types of Mayonnaise

**Chapter 2 : Four Types of Mayonnaise **

Caroline eventually found the inner strength to pick herself up off the forest floor.

As it was still daylight, she decided to flash straight home. If any locals were to spot the animal blood on her clothes, or indeed her particularly bedraggled appearance, they would definitely know something was up.

The curious thing was that it was less the blood and more her hair. It was practically custom in this town to walk around covered in blood. However, seeing Caroline Forbes with leaves in her hair would most likely unleash a wave of suspicion. Not the blood, the hair.

So she flashed home, only to find her mother's car in the drive… Juuuust Great!

So, Caroline had to creep round the back and up the wall of her own house to climb into her own bedroom window without getting caught. God forbid she did get caught though, he mother would have a fit if she saw her like this, less about the fact that she looked like hell with red puffy eyes that gave away that she had been sobbing her head off and more about the fact that she had blood on her clothes. Her mum was still a little skittish about the fact that her daughter was a vampire, and tended to try and ignore it, skirting round conversational topics, fleeing the room whilst Caroline was sipping from a blood bag like it was a juice box.

After jumping in the shower and another sobbing fit, Caroline pulled on her slobs, and went downstairs to raid the fridge, only to find her mother about to leave again for work, grabbing her keys and gun, like any normal mother would on a morning. She turned to see Caroline descending the stairs, with one of those 'I need you to do something for me and you don't really have a choice in the matter' smiles on her face.

"Caroline sweetie…" her mum called.

She definitely wanted something from her; she only ever called her sweetie when she wanted something from her.

"Would you mind popping down to the shops to get some bread and milk?"

Sometimes, Caroline astonished herself with her skills of prediction.

"Well yes, I would to be honest" Caroline was way too busy drowning herself in self-pity and tears to do anything productive. It was less about being lazy (which, to be fair, was usually the case) and more about being so emotionally broken inside that she couldn't function. (Wow, Care, dramatic much?)

"Thanks sweetie, there's a list on the kitchen bench"

What part of, 'yes, I would mind' did her mother not understand?!

"Bye sweetie!" Liz said as she shut the door with a slam without letting Caroline so much as sigh in frustration, let alone protest.

Brilliant, just brilliant.

Caroline turned on her heel to go back to her room to get changed again, and do her hair and make-up, because post-break-up drama or not, she was Caroline Forbes, the reigning Miss Mystic Falls, and there was no way she would be caught dead without even a scrap of make-up on when she was in public.

Deciding that it would be far too much effort to dig out her car keys and drive to the local supermarket, she just flashed there. It was quicker anyway.

After getting the items on the list her mother gave her - some of them ludicrous, I mean, who needs four different types of mayonnaise at any one time? – and some of her own additions, because those seven tubs of ben and jerry's were just far too tempting, and she actually legitimately needed five boxes of tissues, and, okay, maybe she didn't need the five different chick flicks and the Taylor Swift CD, but, they were on offer! Really, there was absolutely nothing wrong with buying them, she was fine!"

And she was in denial.

And she was also far too lazy right now to flash home with 8 carrier bags, so she thought it would be a good idea to walk home at a normal, human pace.

Caroline was Stupid. Bad Caroline.

Because who else would she run into on her way home, but Mr Original- I'm so attractive and don't I know it – Hybrid. Yay…

She was walking through the centre of town when she ran into him, literally, into him. She wasn't really looking at where she was going, and the next thing she knew, BAM! Face full of Klaus chest. But she didn't know that it was Klaus chest she had had the pleasure of running into, so she was mumbling apologies at the floor before she heard a throaty chuckle that could only belong to Klaus, and looked up to find him grinning down at her.

She jumped back ten feet. Literally.

Which naturally, made Klaus laugh at her even more. She was already a deep shade of beetroot, and didn't think it was possible to go even redder. Apparently it was. Thank you Universe!

"Well, hello love."

"Urghh, not in the mood, Klaus."

"Alright love, calm down, If anything you're the one at fault. You have just thrown yourself at me!"

"No, you purposely orchestrated this so that I would walk into you."

"Really, Caroline? Is that really what happened?"

"Yes!"

"I would say different, I would say that _YOU_ were the one who purposely walked into me, and _I _was an innocent victim."

Caroline winced at his choice of words, reminding her of their, ahem, encounter in the woods. And that was as far as she was going with that train of thought.

"Sorry, I'm just… never mind, I'd like to go home now, so if you'd excuse me please…" she said quietly as she tried to edge past Klaus. She really could not cope with Klaus right now, not so soon after her break up with Tyler, which he had caused! Okay, maybe that was just a bit harsh, he had been the voice Caroline had heard about Tyler's cheating from, but he wasn't the one who had cheated on her. Then again, had he not told her, she and Tyler would still be together. So in a way, it was his fault! She bet he knew she was listening, he had to have known, the bastard. But had she not found out, she would have still been with Tyler, and he still would have been cheating on her, the only difference was she wouldn't have known about it, and their relationship would have been a lie. So in a way, she supposed, she was grateful to Klaus for telling her.

"I'm sorry love, I didn't mean to strike a nerve…" he said, his voice more serious and concerned compared with the joking tone he had used earlier "Are you okay Caroline? You don't seem your usual cheerful self, and one has to question the sanity of somebody who has… Five, Six, Seven! tubs of ice cream in their shopping bag."

"No Klaus, I'm not okay."

"Right, I'm assuming from the clues that you've met Hayley."

"Yes, I've met Hayley." Caroline said in a quiet voice, she really didn't want to be having this conversation right now, especially not with Klaus "Now, If you'll excuse me, I have a date with seven tubs of Ben and Jerry's and some really depressing films" she said.

"Of course" he said, stepping aside for her to pass.

"Thanks" Caroline mumbled as she rather awkwardly began to carry on down the street.

"Oh, and Caroline," she heard him calling after her. She tried to carry on and ignore him but then heard him say "Just so you know, if Tyler were still sired to me he never would have hurt you" she turned to look at him "I never would have let him" he said softly, before turning away and walking down the street in the opposite direction.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Word of warning, I'm not very good at updating! I will try to make it once a week, perhaps even two per weekend, but don't get your hopes up!**

**And this story is going to go realistically slowly, but there will be Klaroline!**

**Lots of Love and Smarties**

**Penguinnumber4 xoxo**

**P.S. Go on, type a review in that big threatening box below, I dare you!**


	3. Unicorn Bullshit

"_Right, I'm assuming from the clues before me that you've met Hayley."_

"_Yes, I've met Hayley." Caroline said in a quiet voice, she really didn't want to be having this conversation right now, especially not with Klaus "Now, If you'll excuse me, I have a date with seven tubs of Ben and Jerry's and some really depressing films" she said._

"_Of course" he said, stepping aside for her to pass_

"_Thanks" Caroline mumbled as she rather awkwardly began to carry on down the street_

"_Oh, and Caroline," she heard him calling after her, she tried to carry on and ignore him but then heard "just so you know, if Tyler were still sired to me he never would have hurt you" she turned to look at him "I never would have let him" he said softly, before turning away and walking down the street in the opposite direction._

* * *

**Chapter 3: Unicorn Bullshit**

After Ice cream tub number 5, tissue box number 3 and depressing film number 9 Caroline decided enough was enough. She was not going to continue to cry over such a deceitful pig. He did not deserve her tears. She was going to move on. Yes. Move on. From Tyler.

Why did the thought of that fill her with such dread?

No. Bad Caroline. You are not going to think about Tyler. You are going to go an entire afternoon without thinking about Tyler. It's a Saturday. It's 5 in the afternoon. You are going to ring up Elena and Bonnie, and you are going to have a girl's night in, eating junk food and watching bad Saturday night telly, like the X Factor and other such trash. Or, go out and get completely wasted. Getting wasted sounded fun. Caroline threw the duvet off her lap and quickly flashed around her room, picking up the mountain of snotty tissues and Ice Cream tubs from her floor, straightening out her bedspread, and neatening things up again. Caroline Forbes 'neat freak' will not have a pig sty for a room. Pigs like Tyler have pig sties for rooms. Tyler…. No! Caroline inwardly groaned. Not thinking about Tyler was going to be harder than she thought.

Switching on her phone, which she had turned off on Thursday night after she had broken up with he who must not be named under any circumstances, she received an influx of buzzes, just great, that was 13 missed calls from various people and 28 unread texts, mostly asking where she was and why she was dodging calls. She rang up Elena and Bonnie, apologised for being off grid for so long and then agreed to meet them at the Mystic Grill at half six before they could ask her where she had been. That gave her about an hour to get ready.

She began by taking another shower, because after spending over 24 hours in bed, crying her eyes out and pigging out on junk food, Caroline stank. Smothering herself with every available toiletry she could find in her bathroom, she stepped out smelling of vanilla, cinnamon and gingerbread. She concluded that she smelt good enough to eat, who was going to eat her though, that she did not know. After throwing on an outfit she quickly smeared on some makeup. Well, I say smear, meticulously apply everything she could possibly find in her makeup bag with the upmost care and vampire speed would be more accurate, but hey! Who's nit-picking? Deciding to wear her hair down for once she slid in some dangly earrings, threw a long necklace over her head, grabbed her purse, mobile and keys and legged it out of the house. It was twenty five past 6, and Caroline would not be late, Caroline was never late.

Today, a new Caroline will rise out of the ashes of the old Caroline. A fabulous Caroline, who will only ever think of the name Tyler with disgust, and will be the shining example of Mystic Falls. So, being late would not be a good start to New Caroline's life.

Flashing over to the Mystic Grill she stopped outside the door, composed herself and walked through the doors with her usual calm and dignified stature. That was, of course, until she saw Klaus sitting at the bar, tripped up over a chair leg and fell flat on her face. Way to go Caroline! She quickly picked herself up, straightened out her clothes, and tried to avoid looking a deeper shade of beetroot than she already did. She marched over to the table Elena and Bonnie were sitting at, waiting for her, her head held high, but then she saw Klaus watching her, an amused smirk painting his face as he lifted his glass to his lips, and her face blushed even harder. She then attempted to slide into the booth with as much composure as she could manage as Elena and Bonnie continued to laugh hysterically. Caroline gave them her 'Shut up, Shut up now' glare and they both quickly got the message.

"Sorry, are you okay?" Elena asked, trying to stifle her giggles

Caroline thumped her head against the table, hiding her head in shame.

"No" she grumbled against her arm "I have just made a complete twat of myself in front of everyone… and Klaus!"

"It was pretty bad" Bonnie said, only to receive a slap on the arm from Elena, and a glare, which quickly turned into more giggles.

Matt came over, looking concerned and asking her if she was alright, Caroline just shook her head and demanded he bring her alcohol, strong, and lots of it.

"I don't know Care, I could lose my job if they catch me serving someone underage…" Matt trailed off when he saw the death glare she was giving him "I'll just go get some" he squeaked and rushed off to the bar.

"So, where have you been, it's like you've just… disappeared, you weren't at school on Friday, and I've been trying to contact you all day, but you haven't been picking up!" Elena droned on whilst Caroline slumped further and further into the chair, wishing it would swallow her whole. This was a bad idea, yup, deffo a _very_ bad idea, I should just go home, the weaker side of Caroline's brain said. New Caroline could wait a bit while this Caroline quickly died of embarrassment.

"I have been…" Caroline started, how best to put this? Should she lie? No, absolutely not Caroline, you have to be the world's worst spontaneous liar; you would probably end up spouting some ridiculously unbelievable bullshit about unicorns or something. So yeah, no lying. Urgh, that leaves the truth. "Wallowing…" she muttered into the table.

It was at that moment that Matt came back with a large tumbler of strong whiskey. "Bless you, Matt" she praised as she took an almighty swig from the glass, attempting to ignore the amused look that she could see Klaus giving her over his own glass in the corner of her eye.

He is not there Caroline. You cannot see him.

Bah, who was she kidding, she could totally see him.

She returned her attention to the whiskey, enjoying the burning path it made as it trickled down her throat.

"Why Care, what's wrong? We tried asking Tyler what happened but he's just as secluded as you. Please, tell us what happened" Caroline almost immediately felt like blurting out every feeling she had ever felt in her entire life to Bonnie when she spoke like that to her. Caroline resolved there and then that she didn't spend enough time with Bon, and should start spending lots more time with her right now.

Caroline slowly lifted her head from the table. Well, it had to come off of there at some point, right?

Slowly and deliberately she said "Me and Tyler broke up" surprising herself by not completely breaking down into sobs. The two girls on the other side of the table didn't surprise her at all. Was it slightly bitchy to say that she expected them to go all squeal-y and overly sympathetic and shocked, probably not, but hey, that didn't stop her from feeling bitchy, and therefore guilty, which added to her already too large steaming pile of guilt. Yay… guilt.

"Oh My God! Why?!" Elena practically screeched. God, half the time the girl had an annoyingly raspy man voice and the other half it was so freakin high it could burst your ear drums.

"He cheated" Caroline said simply "because he is a jerk, and that is what jerks do, and that is why I am renouncing jerks"

"Oh Care…" Elena sighed sympathetically "I'm sorry"

"How are you doing Care?" Bonnie asked

"I'm doing alright actually" Caroline's mouth said for her. Hah… LIES! "I've been spending a lot of time self- pitying and crying to Taylor Swift, but I realised this morning that, well… he's not worth it, he just isn't worth my tears. He broke up our relationship by sleeping with some were-slut, and yeah, I'm kinda sad it's over, and I'm angry he slept with someone else, let alone such a skanky bitch excuse my French. But that's just it. He slept with somebody else. He's a knob. And from that knob, I shall move on"

Whoa there Confucius, wisdom overload.

"Which is why" Caroline continued "I am renouncing Jerks"

"Well," Bonnie said brightly "You sound okay"

"Do you want us to egg Tyler's car for you? Because we will totally egg Tyler's car" said Elena, looking a little too excited at the prospect of chucking eggs at the Mayor's son's car.

"Egging Tyler's car must be done, there is no choice in the matter, Care, his car is being egged, witchy-vampire style!" Caroline giggled slightly at their enthusiasm. God, she thought. I just giggled. Lord help me.

"Thanks you two. Oh my god, how long is it since we just had girl talk? Since we sat down and talked about boys and egging our ex's cars for each other?"

"It has definitely been too long" said Bon

"Hang on…" began Elena "not to burst this bubble or anything, but who the hell are you going to have as your date to the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant?"

Ah. Caroline hadn't thought of that.

"Well could I just, not go with anyone?" she asked, but, yeah, she already knew the answer to that.

"No! You're Miss Mystic Falls! You have to have a date!" Well my dear Elena, I hate to say this, but way to burst the frickin' bubble.

* * *

**Okay, can we all just sob for a minute about Kol.**

**It was so bloody hard not to torture Elena in this chapter, seriously, I really want her dead, and I really want Kol back, alive.**

**Anyway, I seemed to have developed my own weird slash between 1****st**** person and 3****rd**** person that is becoming increasingly difficult to write with, but it is late and I want to upload this as soon as poss for all you Yankees so it shall have to be rectified later.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, which was a sort of a filler chapter, I promise the next one will have some much juicier klaroline scenes in.**

**Lots of love**

**Thanking you with Smarties**

**A penguin.**


	4. Sulphuric Acid Bombs

_"Hang on…" began Elena "not to burst this bubble or anything, but who the hell are you going to have as your date to the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant?"_

_Ah. Caroline hadn't thought of that._

_"Well could I just, not go with anyone?" she asked, but, yeah, she already knew the answer to that._

_"No! You're Miss Mystic Falls! You have to have a date!" Well my dear Elena, I hate to say this, but way to burst the frickin' bubble._

* * *

**Chapter 4: Bitchy Revelations**

In the back of her mind Caroline could vaguely register an annoying sound. Like really irritating. Forcing an eyelid open she saw her alarm clock buzzing away on the table next to her bed. It took a moment for her to get used to the bright red glare of the display screen to see what time it was. Seriously? Why the hell did they make them so bright?

The alarm clock, still buzzing, told Caroline that it was apparently 7 in the morning.

What? Why the hell was her alarm clock waking her up so freaking early? What could she possibly have to get up for at seven o'clock on a Monday morning?

Oh, yeah, School.

Dragging herself out of bed she pulled her limbs to the bathroom. After Saturday's brunch she had forcefully ejected all thoughts of the fact that she had no date for the Miss Mystic Pageant out of her brain for the whole weekend whilst she was being neurotic and stressy over the arrangements for said Pageant. But now, surprise surprise, said thoughts were back to haunt her.

Who the hell was she going to go with?

She had planned on going with Tyler but that was now obviously out of the question. She could go with Matt as a friend but that would put her in danger of having her kidneys ripped out by Rebekah. She couldn't go without a date. It wasn't exactly like the embarrassing school dances she had had to attend when she and Elena were still single and naïve freshmen and so went with each other as friends, because who the hell was going to notice if they did. Trouble was, everyone would notice if Caroline was at the Pageant without a date, because she was the star of the show, she had arranged the whole damn thing; she would be announcing it all and crowning the winner. She was Miss Mystic Falls, and well, not to be obnoxious and snobby or anything but who the hell had a chance with men if she didn't. No scratch that. She was absolutely not the prime example for how to start and stay in successful relationships with men.

Caroline was being what she hated most. A waffly twat. An internally waffly twat, but still a waffly twat.

All this waffling was, of course, purely to distract her brain from the one place she did not want it to go. The 'Klaus' route. Caroline knew that her only real option was to go with Klaus. Because come on, who the hell else was going to go with her? But there was no way Caroline was going to ask him. Nuh-Uh. She had way too much pride for that.

Which left her, yet again, at square one.

And half an hour late for school. Crap.

* * *

Caroline spent the majority of school ignoring school and continuing to stress. The tiny matter of her being an entire hour late for school (oops) was quickly cleared up with a spot of compulsion.

She only had one class with Tyler today, Chemistry. And he was sat two seats away from her. Unfortunately, there was nothing Caroline could do, Chemistry had set places, and should their very bald, very short and very Scottish Chemistry teacher notice that anyone had swapped places hell would be unleashed. She knew he would try to talk to her, whether it be a half-hearted apology or a dickish remark, she really didn't care, she just didn't want to hear a word out of his cheating little mouth. He seemed to be about to say something to her when Bonnie wedged herself between them and saved the day by giving him her best 'I will not hesitate to kill you slowly and painfully without even getting off the stool' glare, which seemed highly successful as Tyler swallowed any words he was about to regurgitate all over Caroline and stared at the work set him for the rest of the lesson.

The tricky thing about chemistry is it sometimes requires the use of highly concentrated acids.

This presented a problem for Caroline when she had to employ every ounce of self-control she had not to throw the entire bottle of concentrated sulphuric acid in Tyler's Face. She knew it wouldn't kill him, or melt his skin of his face like it would a normal human, but it would hurt like hell, and, with a bit of luck, might even cause a bit of permanent facial disfigurement, which would definitely be a bonus. Tyler had always been laughably vain, even more so than Caroline, his greatest pride and joy being his perfect face, which Caroline now had the opportunity to ruin for at least a few months before his hybrid healing fully brought it back to all of its sickening glory. But Caroline resisted the temptation, an achievement she felt proud of.

* * *

She was, yet again, stressing over her date, or lack thereof, dilemma, when Damon called her. Brilliant.

Should she ignore it? Maybe if she didn't pick up he would leave her the fudge alone.

Yeah, like that was going to happen. She jabbed the answer button with her finger, with far more force than was needed.

"What?" She snapped into the phone.

"Wonderful to speak to you too Blondie, it's always a pleasure to hear the golden ray of sunshine that is your voice." The narcissistic voice coming through her speaker was enough to make her want to punch him, let alone if he was in the room.

"What do you want, Damon?"

"Jeesh, someone's touchy"

Caroline growled into the phone

"Alright, we need you to be Klaus bait" Damon conceded. It was laughable to think that he was the more uncontrollable of the two brothers, and that once upon a time Caroline had been the one at his every beck and call, because now, all she needed to do was growl at him and she had her way. She supposed it helped that both Elena and Klaus would rip his kidneys out through his ears if he so much as touched her, but Caroline preferred to think that it was because she had him well trained.

"No, absolutely not. No way"

"Caroline, seriously, he has Elena locked up in his big original mansion, she's hallucinating, and is in danger of killing herself, we need to get her out of there"

Caroline sighed. How many more times could she risk pissing off Klaus, he wasn't exactly pleased the last time he found out she had just been distracting him. But Elena's life was in danger, and as much as she loved her best friend, she was yet again called upon to throw all of her needs and wants out of the window to save Elena.

Lately that seemed like all anyone had been doing for the last year. SaveElenaSaveElenaSaveElena. Caroline knew she was being a massive bitch, but come on; she couldn't be the only one who was getting just a little bit tired of it all. She knew she was verging on being the old, pre-vampire, shallow, self-absorbed bimbo Caroline, but for once, couldn't everyone be running around trying to save her? Why couldn't she be the one everyone bent over backwards to please? Even the times when she had been kidnapped and tortured, it had still been about Elena. Christ, even when it was her own father locking her up in a dungeon and constantly burning her with sunlight, hour after hour, minute after minute, second after second, with the most unimaginably agonising pain, everyone was too busy running around doing what Elena wanted, getting Elena to Stefan.

Okay, stop now Caroline, you need to stop with the bitchy rants about Elena, she is your friend, and is going through a hard time, she may always be going through a hard time, but you're still being mean.

Her Mother and Tyler had eventually come to rescue her. That was back when she had been in love with Ty, and he with her. Or so she thought.

And another thing, why was she always the one who got kidnapped and tortured, it was ridiculous!

"Blondie," Damon's impatient voice snapped her back to the real world "Will you help us or not?"

"Ugh… fine! But you owe me, big time!"

* * *

Caroline was driving to the Grill. Damon so owed her, she couldn't believe she was even doing this. How many times could she betray Klaus' trust in her and live to tell the tale. She knew he had some strange, yet sort of endearing crush on her, but there were only so many times she could take advantage of his feelings for her. Sooner or later he would snap, and do something unspeakable, he was Klaus after all, and his anger management wasn't exactly brilliant.

All Klaus had ever been to her was kind. Admittedly, not in any normal, conventional way, this was Klaus. But Caroline didn't think he knew how to 'woo' a woman. (Did you really just say 'woo', Christ, Caroline) She was delving into deep, most likely unchartered territory, but perhaps he had shut out the majority of his positive emotions for the past century because it just hurt too much. Both of his parents hated him, from what she had heard through her friends from Rebekah, his father had abused him for the entirety of his human life and then spent his whole creepy Vampiric life trying to kill him, and Caroline thought she had Daddy issues. His mother had tried to kill him off as well, so, when the two people who are supposed to love you the most in the world make it their (unnaturally long) life's mission to kill you off, you can't exactly blame a man for having some slight personality defects. As she had rather harshly said to him at the ball, his parents hadn't loved him, so he assumed that nobody else would either. That was why he had daggered his siblings, it was not in cruelty, but because, in his own way, he loved them. They were the only people he had ever loved, and who had ever loved him back, and so, when they had their disagreements, he daggered them, because he was afraid they would run away, and leave him forever.

That was his life's secret. His one great fear was loneliness.

He was afraid of living an eternity with nobody by his side, so he tried his best to get people to stay with him, but having arguably the worst parents in existence didn't exactly help him on the social front. He didn't know how to connect with people. And from his murderous reputation, most people were understandably too terrified to try to help him, and god forbid should his siblings even bother, they were just as flawed and as messed up as he was, in their own complex ways.

He didn't know how to form positive relationships conventionally, so he collected hybrids and daggered siblings and killed those who threatened the few people he still held precious, because what was the alternative? Being left alone for all eternity? Anything was better than that, and so he would take anything.

And for that Caroline could forgive him, almost entirely.

And as for his murderous reputation, what had he done to them that was worse than what her messed up circle of friends had done. Nothing. The wrongs that Damon had done to her when she was human were atrocious; he had compelled her, raped her, and used her as a blood bag. She could still remember countless nights of sobbing herself to sleep with his arm locked around her waist, unrelenting. They had all killed, Stefan was the ripper, Damon had killed countless people, including Vicki and Lexi (And Jeremy and Ric, but they had been revived by the ring). Jesus, even she had murdered a man.

So what exactly made them any more virtuous than him, how were they better?

The answer to that was that they were not. They just had people they could trust, and people who gave them their trust in return.

And if she could be friends with Damon, why couldn't she be friends with Klaus?

So, as she parked her car, and walked up to the doorway of the mystic grill, she told herself that, even thought she was supposed to be deceiving him, she should enjoy herself and… bond with him. Even if that word made it sound like she was spending quality time with her pet cat.

And, well, maybe she should give him a chance. He was hot, though she would never let him hear that, his ego already filled up the entire room, and adjoining rooms, and neighbouring buildings. He didn't need any more encouragement thank you very much. Although he didn't know much about tact, his previous advances and omissions about his feelings towards her were sweet, and well, she did need a date for the Mystic falls pageant.

* * *

**Hullo**

**I did intend to put the date in this chapter, but it just got longer and longer and later and later and it's already 2 in the morning here, and I've taken my time with this chapter already, for which I apologise, Exams and the like a tricksy things, so is the flu, and so is an overabundance of complete laziness in your body that you can't be arsed to do anything but sleep and tumblr.**

**But anyway, sorry, and I hope you enjoyed! This is a slow burn fic, so bear with me! I hope that the deep psychological analysis of Klaus made up for the lack of Klaroline interaction in this chapter**

**I will have a beta'd copy of this chapter replacing this one in a few days, but any grammar, continuity, or OOC you can spot and point out I would be eternally grateful. I am a ruthless Grammar Nazi with everything except my own work, which is both irritating and pointless.**

**But I digress, please leave a review, because they make me happy, review always make me happy.**

**Coming up in OAO: As if it wasn't completely unnecessary for me to point this out, date night at mystic grill, and the MMFP.**

**Love and Fruit Pastilles**

**A very sleepy penguin**

**(PS for those who are still interested, who else is looking forward to badass Elena replacing the whiny, why the hell won't you do us all a favour and drop dead Elena?)**

**(PPS. Speaking of penguins, English people, have you been watching the penguins? Its on BBC one on a Monday night. They're brilliant! And if that wasn't good enough, it's narrated by David Tennant, and the cameras are disguised as hilarious penguins and eggs and rocks on wheels… go watch it!)**


	5. Picking for Nits

_hehheh"What do you want, Damon?"_

_"Jeesh, someone's touchy"_

_Caroline growled into the phone_

_"Alright, we need you to be Klaus bait" _

_"No, absolutely not. No way"_

_"Caroline, seriously, he has Elena locked up in his big original mansion, she's hallucinating, and is in danger of killing herself, we need to get her out of there"_

_So, as she parked her car, and walked up to the doorway of the mystic grill, she told herself that, even thought she was supposed to be deceiving him, she should enjoy herself and… bond with him. Even if that word made it sound like she was spending quality time with her pet cat._

_He needed a friend, she decided._

_And, well, maybe she should give him a chance. He was hot, though she would never let him hear that, his ego already filled up the entire room, and adjoining rooms, and neighbouring buildings. He didn't need any more encouragement thank you very much. Although he didn't know much about tact, his previous advances and omissions about his feelings towards her were sweet, and well, she did need a date for the Mystic Falls Pageant._

* * *

**Chapter 5:**

"This place looks pretty good considering your Hybrid got blown up in it" She said as she walked over to where Klaus was sat at the bar. He seemed to spend a lot of time here, maybe if he and Damon weren't such massively egotistical morons they could be drinking buddies. But somehow Caroline doubted that anyone would ever take Ric's place.

"Caroline, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked as she took off her jacket. She hadn't really spent much time getting ready, her makeup was minimal, as in, barely anything there at all, but to make up for that she had worn a slinky black top with no back and a reasonably low cut, it didn't quite verge on sluttish, but it was definitely enough to give him an eyeful.

"I want you to give Elena back" She said.

"Ah, they sent you here to sweet talk me, well, good form, but I'm afraid I can't do it"

"Why?"

"She needs my help" Caroline gave him her best 'are you shitting me this explanation better be good' look.

"Look, I'm not going to burden you with all the gory details, I know you have enough on your plate already"

"That's none of your business actually" She said, turning to stare at the liquor bottles on the wall behind the bar. Wow, those liquor bottles looked really interesting.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry" he said.

Caroline turned to look at him in quiet amazement, he just apologised to her, he was being unbelievably sweet to her. This bonding thing was going to be a doddle if the rest of the night went like this, well, apart from the fact that she was deceiving him. Again. But she could work round that.

Yeah right. Caroline caught herself wishing he would start being a jerk so she wouldn't have to feel like so much of a bitch.

"Can I at least offer you a drink?" He said.

Oh, she was so going to hell.

"Yeah" she said quietly, smiling as she sat down.

"You look stunning tonight by the way" he said.

Caroline made a mental note to ring up Satan and make a reservation.

* * *

It turned out that, despite gaining immortality, instant healing, and a life ruining thirst for blood, turning into a vampire did not increase her alcohol tolerance.

In fact, she was almost positive that it had decreased.

Klaus offering her a drink had turned into Klaus buying her about ten drinks, before he had cut her off, claiming that she had had enough, to which she snorted and nicked one of the bottles from behind the counter, knocking back a nice long swig of tequila.

The outcome of which could only be that Caroline was quite definitely plastered.

That was when Klaus had taken the bottle off her and given her a coffee.

She had been enjoying herself quite a lot, what had begun as a ruse to distract him whilst her friends broke into his house to liberate Elena had turned into a fun evening. However, when her phone started buzzing with three consecutive texts from Stefan, her good mood deflated like a particularly angry spot; quickly, painfully and disturbingly violently.

Stefan, like the moron he was, had gone and lost Elena.

Let's just pause for a minute to give the town's genius a round of applause.

As if it wasn't bad enough that her now worryingly suicidal best friend was now running around town, with free access to any bit of wood that took her fancy, Stefan wanted her, not just to tell Klaus that this entire evening had been so she could distract him, despite the great time she had been having, but also to ask him to give up one of his hybrids for Jeremy to stake.

Oh, this was brilliant, not only did she have a one way ticket to hell, but her train left in two minutes.

A woman could only rely on her chest so much, yes she had caught him sneaking the odd glance at her marginally whorish cleavage, but that didn't mean he wouldn't snap her neck when she brought him such glad tidings of great joy.

Well, she decided, like a plaster, she would get it over with quickly with as little fuss as possible. Of course, that wasn't to say that it wouldn't hurt like hell afterwards.

"So here's the deal," she began, turning to face him, hoping her face didn't look as guilty as she thought it did "As you probably worked out the minute I walked in here, I, like the bitch I am, am here to manipulate you."

"Really? Please, do continue" Strangely enough, he looked more amused than infuriated. Caroline took this as a good sign.

"But not to get you to free Elena" she paused, he looked slightly less amused now… crap. Caroline gulped before continuing.

"I came here, to distract you whilst Stefan broke her out, which he did… but then, and don't get mad…" Oh because that was really going to work, wasn't it. "But then he sort of… lost her"

Okay, he didn't look amused at all now, but on the bright side, he didn't look like he was about to rip her liver out through her nostrils.

Instead he calmly got up and began walking away. Caroline with a brain would have thanked whichever deity sprang to mind that she was still alive, but of course, it's only when she actually needs it that her brain decides to take a vacation to some dark dingy corner of her skull that Caroline had yet to experience the joys of discovering. She just couldn't keep her mouth shut could she?

"Klaus…" she shouted after him as she got up from her seat and attempted to follow him. Like she had said: Brain on vacation.

He suddenly swerved around to face her, trouble was, Caroline didn't stop in time, and so collided with his chest. Again.

She seemed to be making a habit out of this… No. Bad Caroline. Don't think about his chest don't think about his chest don't think about his chest. Too late.

This time however, there was no rumbling chuckling, just a pissed Klaus glaring at her. She jumped back several paces, because jeesh was his death stare intense.

"Caroline, you may be beautiful, but right now, I am quite understandably, just a little bit angry. So I regret to say that should another word come out of your mouth I shall be quite tempted to tear out your heart."

"They worked out how to stop the hallucinations!" She blurted. Oh, grade A, seriously Caroline, the mind of a scholar, why don't you just rip out your spleen yourself and give it to him.

Surprisingly though, he stopped, looking more intrigued than angry.

"You have ten seconds"

"Okay, well, they found out that, to get rid of the old hunter, a new hunter has to sort of… wake up, by killing a vampire… or a hybrid"

"And, pray tell, who would this new hunter be?"

"Jeremy"

"The Gilbert boy?!"

"Yeah…"

"So, just to check that I haven't missed anything, in order to save the doppelganger, you lot are expecting me to just give up one of my hybrids for, and this is where I am having the most trouble, Jeremy bloody Gilbert?" He was not happy. But then again, he wasn't that angry either. Irritated, she'd say, quite a bit irritated at the prospect of losing one of his oh so precious hybrids, but also incredulous, as if this solution was the last thing on earth he would expect. But that wasn't to say he wasn't not angry altogether. His face might not have shown it, but his eyes had lost their usual mischievous sparkle, and were instead dark, and dangerous, and unforgiving, which made Caroline halt, and attempt to think carefully about her next words, lest she irk him any more than she already had done.

"That would be correct" she said. Okay, her brain was now totally disconnected from her mouth, because even the old, human, bimbo Caroline wasn't that idiotic. But strangely, instead of his eyes growing darker, and him getting angry, he smirked, as though vaguely amused.

"And why should I give up one of my hybrids, what would I get out of this?" She knew there would be a price. Klaus never does anything for anything else without getting something back in return.

"I'm not entirely sure, what would your price be?" he smirked even more at this, which annoyed Caroline slightly, as they were talking about making Jeremy murder someone. They were talking about saving her best friend's life, and he thought it was funny. "Oh, I'm sorry you find this so amusing. What do I have to do to get you to stop my best friend from killing herself?" she asked, hands on her hips, sassing him. It was like all her fear had suddenly gone out of the window. She didn't care about whether or not he was going to kill her, because it was completely possible that tonight was the night Elena would kill herself, and, though she found it a bit irritating that all anyone in this town seemed to do was save Elena, she was still her best friend, and there was no way she wanted her to die.

Unfortunately for Caroline, Klaus did find this 'oh so amusing' and just smirked even more as he said "Well, that's a very good question, tell me, love, does Miss Mystic Falls have a date to her own pageant?"

Caroline was so irritated by his arrogance and the inaccuracy of that question that she completely ignored the fact that he was asking her for a date to the Pageant and instead decided to nit-pick.

"Woah, okay first off, did you just hear anything I just said about my best friend dying? Obviously not. And secondly, it is not my pageant, it is a pageant to select the new Miss Mystic falls, my time as reigning queen is over and done with." She said, attempting to glare down his infuriating face.

Yes, his face was infuriating. Everything about him was infuriating. Infuriatingly attractive.

"I didn't mean to strike a nerve love," he said as he chuckled "Do you have a date to the Miss Mystic Falls pageant, which isn't for you, but to select a new charmingly radiant girl to 'reign' over the town?"

The little fucker, he was enjoying this way too much.

"No…" she mumbled as quietly as possible. In a way that would be impossible for anybody without the pleasure of supernatural hearing to detect.

"Sorry love, didn't quite catch that" he said. His smirk had now turned into a right out grin. Definitely enjoying this too much.

"No" she said slightly louder. It would still be impossible for anyone other than him to hear it, but her stubbornness and pride refused to speak any louder.

"And again, my ears are dreadful today" he said cupping his hand round the back of his ear and leaning it towards her. Bit hard of hearing was he today? Bless. Oh well, there was nothing for it then.

"No." she said firmly into his ear, as loud as she could be without shouting. It wasn't that loud, but she was at such a proximity to his ear that it would definitely sting a bit.

He moved back a bit, startled by her slight outburst. His smirk however, though lessened a tad, was still very much planted firmly on his face. She attempted to glare at him, but he was making it very hard. He leaned forward again, to the side of her face, until his lips were just inches from her ear.

"Well then love, you do now." He said softly into her ear, his warm breath making the tiny hairs there stand up on end.

Well Shit.

* * *

**Hello wonderful readers.**

**Can we all just sob, again, about how horrible Klaus and Caroline were to each other in 4x17! But hopefully it will mean hot make up sex next episode (I mean, JoMo is shirtless in the promos (speaking of which, phwoar) so, you never know!)**

**Again, terribly sorry for the unannounced hiatus, but I recently went through somewhat of a mental breakdown, in which all of my extra curricular stuff (of which there is tons) and upcoming events (of which there was also tons) got too much, and the pressure just piled up and I eventually broke down and cried in a corner for a few days, sobbing 'I can't take it anymore' to anyone who happened to notice the shivering wreck in the corner of the music school. HOUSE MUSIC USED TO BE FUN!**

**Anyhow, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. I am aware that it is a bit shit, as I am uploading this very late, with a very tired brain, and without it being beta'd, so I know that Care and Klaus may be a bit OOC and so any pointers you may have for me that may suggest ways for me to make it less shit, they would be much appreciated.**

**In the next chapter, is the Miss Mystic Falls pageant, in which there is more Caroline and Klaus banter. Cos who doesn't love Klaroline banter!**

**With love, penguinnumber4.**

**P.S. Just so you know, until I get 14 reviews, I aint uploading the next chapter. **


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